Far From The Sticks

Ode to a Man

Jules — Mon, 14 May 2012 21:42:13 +0000

My brother Elliot is a MAN. Clearly he is a man, but now he is super macho.

He is in his early 20’s, so he’s no boy. He has always worked and studied hard. He has always dealt with difficult situations well, and has taken care of any shit that has come his way. On Saturday he did both of those things, literally. Friday night our septic system failed, and we were reduced to pre-indoor plumbing circumstances, or as my husband would say “sub-optimal.”

So on Friday –I went down to the basement where I discovered the extent of the “situation”—which was all over the floor. After that, Elliot and I promptly uncovered the septic tank, we thought it looked kind of full. We thought maybe that was why when the toilets flushed, it dumped in the basement instead of the septic tank. However, it was not the tank, it turns out the pipe leading from the house to the tank was pinched.

So, Saturday while my mother and I had an early Mothers’ Day visit with my Nana—Elliot took care of the “situation.” What I mean by that is that he spent all day digging up the broken pipe, which also included shoveling out a hole filled with human waste. Anybody who can do that is an adult, so for him, he is a MAN. For Mother’s day he gave my mother her indoor plumbing back, kind of hard to top that one. Also, I was pleased to have it back myself. Yay for flushing!

Romantic Getaway: Bolu

Jules — Thu, 10 May 2012 21:49:09 +0000

One of the romantic weekends Bülent and I planned was to Bolu. We had an amazing time, but it wasn’t actually in Bolu. We had planned to stay in the Bolu city area and take day trips to Abant Gölü and Yedigöller, however the place we stayed was actually two hours from both, in Bolu province. In the end it all worked out, and we had a wonderful time. The drive there was very pretty. There was still snow on the hills lining the freeway!

We arrived at Hindiba Pansiyon, an ecofriendly resort with small bungalows. It was really lovely. The bungalows and outdoor tables straddled a clearing in the woods which a creek ran through. There was a full service restaurant, and breakfast and dinner were included in the price of the bungalow. The eals were great, produced with locally available foods.

There were two types of bungalows, stone and wood. I would recommended the stone. The wood bungalow was very cozy, with not much floor space, but since we were on a romantic weekend, the size of the bungalow didn’t really matter.

We relaxed, read, rested and took walks. The best part of walking was that immediately after leaving the pension we were deep in the country.

We did take a day trip to Gölcük, a small lake up in the mountains of Bolu. The drive was gorgeous, and once we got there—there was water! That is always a focus for people who live in Ankara. Water, since our city is sort of arid, we all prefer vacationing in areas that are lush and green, preferably with a body of water nearby. In this respect Hindiba was perfect for our needs.

Even though it was not what we were expecting, we had a great time. The focus was on time together anyway. It wouldn’t have mattered if it was a dive motel—but that is a post for next time…

Romantic Getaway: Safranbolu

Jules — Sat, 28 Apr 2012 16:55:42 +0000

I have been in the U.S for the last three months, so when I flew back to Turkey for a few weeks, Bülent and I decided to plan some romantic weekends away. So far we have been having a great time. We decided to head to Safranbolu. It is an easy three hour drive from Ankara. After getting there we grabbed some lunch at Hanim Sofrasi. I am a sucker for women-run establishments in Turkey. This was pretty typical. An older woman was supervising while her daughters, and maybe sisters or sisters-in-law (not sure which) cooked the food. What was unusual was that while the matriarch sat outside smoking and chatting with tourists, her husband was the waiter, taking orders and running food out. He only joined his wife for a cigarette after all his work had been finished!

We had “Safranbolu Manti” or “Peruhi.” Instead of your typical meat filled bites, they were more like triangular ravioli, very thin pasta filled with a white cheese or maybe yogurt. However, while eating them I detected a floral note, I am not sure, it could have been a hint of saffron or maybe a spice. Either way, it was a little different and delicious.

After our lunch we walked around and stopped at Cinci Han, it is a old Caravanserai stop on the Silk Road. Built in the 17th century it is now a hotel and a café. You can still see the old iron rings where they used to tie the camels.

There is a tower, which they allow you to climb with refreshingly few safety precautions.

Safranbolu is a fairly small town, with quite a few pazars, however the really lovely part is just outside of the main square. There are many old Ottoman houses, many of which are charming private residences rather than just hotels. Safranbolu also has many streams and rivers which run through it and have carved canyons and ravines. This particular camii (mosque) was built over a small river. As a place of worship, one that spans running water and you can listen to the gurgle of it over stones while you pray—seems like a great idea—not that I would know much about prayer or worship.

Along the same stream were many little gardens squeezed between the retaining walls and the water.

During our walk we saw some local children climbing a beautiful grassy hill. So like any well adjusted adults, we were jealous and climbed it too. We had a blast, and the kids thought we were pretty funny too.

Another Month Gone

Jules — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 18:10:52 +0000

I am still having trouble posting regularly. I feel like it has something to do with the intrinsic nature of sharing and blogging. With blogging so often you give up pieces yourself, you share your experiences, share your thoughts, and share yourself. I still really don’t want to go out much. I just don’t feel social. Getting together with good friends is one thing, making small talk is another. I will attempt to post more, as I am now back in Turkey and taking trips. It just feels like I have blogging inertia. Fellow bloggers, do you ever feel blogless?

My Roomie’s Wedding!

Jules — Wed, 14 Mar 2012 00:59:47 +0000

My sophomore roommate from college was great. Katie and I were very different. She was organized, I was not. We had a line down the center of the room, as long as my things did not escape the line, it was not an issue. She was an art history major. Her side of the room was always lovely, as was she. She had a talent for putting together outfits. Once, I was going out on a date. She asked me, “Oh, is that what you are wearing?” My response was, “No, apparently not.” She dressed me like a doll, and I encouraged it.

So she got married in February. I had a very complicated relationship with her wedding. Not her—Her wedding.

1) I got the wedding announcement and was totally depressed. One of my BFFs was getting married and again I was out of the country.

2) My dad was terminally ill. I was going to take care of him, so I would be in the country for the wedding. I could GO! Yay!

3) My dad was SO ill I couldn’t plan on going because his death was imminent.

4) My dad died way before I thought he would. So…Wedding was on.

My friend asked me to be her bridesmaid. Through out the entire #1-4 she was awesome. She told me she would love for me to be in the wedding. All she asked was to let her know when I knew, a few days before the wedding would be fine. Katie is amazing in that way.

While I wanted to be there for her I had hesitations. I hadn’t done anything social since my dad died. But I had already bought the tickets. It was hard for me because it was only a year and a half ago that my parents walked me down the aisle at my on wedding.

But I went anyway. And I had an amazing time. I saw some of my friends I hadn’t seen in five years. While I was a little sad, I was also so happy to be there for my friend. Also, it was not my wedding. It was Katie’s. Katie’s wedding. The weekend was not about me—It was about Katie (and Pete). A woman who we all wanted to celebrate, and share in her experience. Every moment of that wedding day, I was fiercely glad I could be there with her.

To start the Wedding Weekend, I flew to Nashville, from where I made the road trip to Memphis with my friends Kate and Ben. The weekend started off on an interesting note.

First, waiting for my flight to Nashville, I recognized a woman in my gate. I knew her from some where, but could not place her for a few minutes. Waiting for my flight was made much more interesting by sneaking peeks at this woman and racking my brain for where I had met her. Then I realized, I hadn’t met her…I knew her from her blog. Yes, at the Charlotte airport was Mr. Lady! An auspicious beginning indeed!

I got off the plane, and Kate jumped out of her car, there was hugging and shrieking and then Kate started doing both as well. Then, we got a call from our friend Ben. He had dislocated his shoulder right before he left for the airport…What should he do? Well, because the theme of the weekend was “Everyone Loves Katie!” he sucked it up, got on the plane and asked the flight attendant for ice. We had a sling waiting for him when he got off the plane.

Every aspect of the wedding was a lot of fun. Seeing old friends, making new ones. Blind Mississippi Morris performed at the rehearsal dinner, blowing us out of the water. Also, it was at Fire Museum of Memphis, where they served martinis that smoked.

The whole weekend was amazing, and really a journey. There was time with friends, a beautiful wedding, and I think some healing too.

Resurfacing

Jules — Sun, 11 Mar 2012 20:54:37 +0000

I am starting to get back…to what? Not to the way things were, but to a new normal. After the wake and service, everyone else’s life went back to normal. Ours still has a huge gaping wound in it. Nothing works or functions the way it used to. All of us have issues, and daily reminders. There is nothing like starting the day by trying to cajole the dog to do her business. Sometimes she will do so if bribed, but otherwise is still waiting for Dad to walk her.

For the last few weeks I have not wanted to really do anything, see anyone. The impulse to isolate myself is slowly fading. A couple of weekends ago I went to a good friends wedding. I was able to see friends I haven’t seen in five years. I had a great time, and opened up a little more. Friday I met up with a childhood friend I haven’t seen in about 20 years, and we were able to really connect and had fun. I have been off the grid for a while, but am slowly making my way back into life. One day at a time we are building a new foundation for the way our lives are now.

A Date…

Jules — Sat, 11 Feb 2012 02:53:48 +0000

Today I had an interview. I took the semester off to take care of my father. I was also going to postpone a practicum for my Masters in TESOL. However, since my father’s death, I don’t need to put off my class. So today I went to a interview for my practicum. Though, it is a little less than ideal, since I brought few professional clothes, and there are very few ELL learners in rural N.H. The interview went well, and then I went on a romantic date…with myself. I took a walk in the adorable downtown, and bought some luscious chocolate covered strawberries (for my mom, my brother and his girlfriend and me.) Later I went to the sushi bar, and had a delicious meal, for one. It was actually a very nice time. I am still not really ready to be out and about with people, so this was a lovely way to go out with out social pressure.

Another Day

Jules — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 23:06:41 +0000

Thursday night my father died. We were so stunned and exhausted that we came home, had a drink and went to bed. It took us a long time to go to sleep. I know this because I slept with my mom that night. Neither one of us wanted to sleep by ourselves.

Friday we woke up, and the sun was still shining, and my father was still dead. I made pea soup, called my husband, researched how to submit obituaries and managed not to die of sadness.

Saturday I woke up, and the sun was still shining, and my father was still dead. It helped to know that my husband was coming in Saturday night. My brother’s girlfriend is amazing. She was (and is) so helpful. She was at the hospital all afternoon on Thursday, brought sandwiches, and helped advocate for my father. She drove down to Boston and picked up my husband from the Boston airport at 11:30 PM and then drove 2 hours north to our home.

I have felt so supported by my family and friends, people sending food and calling. Many of my friends emailed me such wonderful things. One friend tried to move heaven and earth to get food and flowers delivered to my remote home. Another went through my closet finding clothes I asked to be sent to the States with Bülent. The last few days have been extremely difficult, but with the help of friends and family it has been, maybe not less painful, but a more supported journey.

My Father, Dan

Jules — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 21:34:14 +0000

Born 1943-Died January 19, 2012 after a long and valiant battle with cancer.

Dan was a complex person, passionate about life and his family. He had a raucous sense of humor and a quick wit—he filled our lives with warmth and mirth. He fought for the best he could provide, for our family and our community. As a man of conviction, he may have butted heads with others along the way, but never let that get in the way of his integrity and honor. Despite the many hardships he’s encountered, he’s always been an adamant optimist. I think there are few people who could survive what he had and still be able to say that.

He was a fighter, when he was first diagnosed with cancer 15 years ago, he fought with a vengeance. I remember him telling me he just couldn’t leave when we were so little. I am grateful to him for that, that though I still feel “little,” I am now an adult who knows my own mind and heart, largely due to him.

He had a presence so huge that it is hard to imagine a world without him. I am grateful for every moment I had with him, and every memory I have for the future.

1943-2012

He will be missed.

Back In NH

Jules — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 04:21:02 +0000

I have been back in NH for eight days. I have missed being here. Though it has not been my normal visit. It has been different this time around. There is an underlying sadness. Not grief or depression, but a melancholy that surrounds us all. When know why, and it is not ignored, but neither is it discussed.

It has a busy week. I flew in on Monday to NYC. I had to reroute because I missed my flight due to a delay. Tuesday I hung out with my aunt and darling cousin, and shopped. Then I spent a week with my dad dad at the hospital.

Tonight is my third night at my parents home, though both my mom and dad are at the hospital. Tomorrow my dad is having surgery. Wish us all luck.