There is nothing wrong with my ass people. Quite the opposite actually. However, it is feeling guilty. Here is the back story, which you need to know to understand the level of guilt I feel.
I am not religious. At all. When I enter a church my fiancee takes a step away from me, just in case God decides to strike me down. There are only a few reasons I enter church in the first place, funerals, weddings, or the memorial Mass, which in our family we affectionately call the “death brunch” for the food that follows after. My parents are not particularly religious either. My father is an agnostic (or as I like to call it “hedging his bets”) and my mother is spiritual and involved with a non discriminatory church community. However, on my mother’s side the entire family is Catholic. Irish Catholic. Nine Children Catholic. With Catholics guilt is a way of life, about sins and sex and the like. While I am not Catholic, I have inherited the guilt. Not about the sex but about everything else.
More Back story:
Bülent and I have a division of labor. I am the Cooking Bitch, and he is the Cleaning Bitch. I am in charge of preparing all food, grocery shopping and nutrition and he cleans the house, does the dishes and the laundry, etc.
So our house needed to be cleaned. We had been away for three weeks so it had gotten dusty, and then Bülent had been so sick he hadn’t been cleaning. I had been doing the laundry and dishes and kitchen, but everything else needed a good going over. Bülent’s mother, Suzan, knows of this arrangement, and knew that we had both been sick. So she had the idea to hire a cleaning woman so that Bülent who is still not totally better could still rest. However, to hire a woman to come clean means that they will need to be supervised and told what and where to clean. I cannot do that as I do not speak Turkish well enough. So Suzan came over to do it. She shooed us out of the house so we would be out of their way. So the cleaning woman and Suzan proceeded to clean the entire apartment. Granted it needed cleaning, but it was not filthy. But Suzan has the gift of INCREDIBLE attention to detail. For example as I was leaving I saw she had the cleaning woman scrubbing down the outside of our luggage. The luggage! So this was a scrub down of immense proportion. So they start at at and we came back at 4 and they were still at it. She told us to sit down and read or use our laptops. So my guilt is centers around a clean apartment which I did not clean (which is not my division of labor.) When I started this, they were still cleaning. And the guilt was so large that I wanted to pull my bottom lip over my face and swallow. Instead I will try to assuage the guilt, i.e. HELP. So I am off to iron sheets. I did not realize that sheets needed to be ironed. Whoops, more guilt.