Category Archives: Blogging

Finding my way back

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Creating sense of normalcy in a new post pandemic world

I am working on finding my way back to writing, finding my way back to my creative space, and my voice. I will be reposting some previous essays originally published in other locations, and using them as a springboard to move forward. The toll of moving back to the US, navigating the job market, re-acculturating was a lot. I had to redefine myself multiple times in the last few years.

I moved from being an ex-pat to a “local” but with a different understanding of life and feeling apart and displaced. I left my role as an educator, which I had been for over a decade, to then create space for myself to fail (and succeed) in a new career. I started a new life as a mother, and a parent. With each new transition I lost part of myself and developed new facets of myself, which I didn’t always fully understand.

These years apart from the world, quarantined, set apart, with no vaccine in sight for the under 5 age group have allowed our family time to bond and better understand each other and ourselves. This time has forced me to take the time I needed to develop and reconcile my sense of self(s).

Over the last few years, I have taken risks, made changes, made sacrifices, and at this point would change none of them because I learned from all of them, and they have brought me to where I am now.

It’s been a while!

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I had hoped to keep blogging when I moved back to the U.S.  It’s obvious that it didn’t work out. I was too absorbed in living my life, instead of being an observer, to keep writing.  Many things have happened since.  I continued working for my non-profit, my career advanced, I made new friends and found a new community.  I have lived life to the fullest in Austin, taking advantage of the weather and live music and generally had a blast! I also got pregnant, had a baby, traveled for work, and continue to take advantage of the amazing city in which I live, with one more person in tow.

And now I am back! Four years after we left Turkey, we have returned for a visit.  It has been fascinating to be back in Turkey.  It simultaneously feels the same and different. While I missed some things, in others I am reminded why we wanted to move back to to the U.S.  While I am here, I hope to have a chance to blog about it.  This is one of the things, from my time in Turkey, I have missed.

Alive?

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As you may have noticed, I have not been blogging as frequently.  Or at all.  Over the last year or so I had slowed down my pace. Partially because I was busy and partially because the main bulk of my blog was travel and exploration, and after living in Turkey for five years, the adventures had slowed down.  I want to start writing again. I really appreciate being able to express myself and have a connection with my readers.  I have been thinking about it for a while, and have put off writing until I think I could make a commitment again.

My last post was about moving.  Our move had ben a big change for us.  I am now in the “sticks” again.  incek2

The herd of sheep that regularly pass in front of our building.

I can no longer walk to the grocery store, have easy access to the town center or have my community of friends.  I do have a new community of friends, but many of the friends I used to visit with on a day to day basis are back in the old neighborhood.    Day to day life has changed, basic things like cooking and errands are more difficult due to sharing a car, and not being able to walk to neighborhood shops and the pazar. 

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However, there are many benefits to living on the edge of town.   The air was clean all winter, the smell of coal smoke does not infiltrate our hair and clothes and the accompanying smog did not disturb us.  Our view is lovely, and faces south west, so we have had lovely sun all year, and the floor to ceiling windows have allowed enough light into our home to keep our plants alive inside since the frost hit. We have also hosted and been hosted at many more intimate gatherings with friends.  Since the restaurants and shops are more distant, we meet at friends’ homes rather than restaurants to visit. 

Things have happened, which I will tell about.

Places have been visited, which I will share.

And adventures may be coming…I will keep you posted!

Blogher 12

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Holy Moly!  BlogHer!  I am still working though my experiences there.  I went to almost all the sessions.  A couple were productive and interesting.  However, the main even was…not lunch with Martha Stuart, or even lunch with Katie Couric (although that was awesome!)   It was meeting and connecting with other bloggers.  I don’t mean the random networking and thrusting of cards at each other, but the truly meaningful connection I made with some of the individuals there.  Sometimes it was just a short conversation that stayed with you, other times it was a discussion that was so intriguing you changed your plans just to continue it.

I met some great friends, finally understood the nuances of Twitter, and learned quite a bit at BlogHer12.  I also had a wicked good time!  There was a party every night.  Saturday night at  the Sparklecorn party I had a blast!   I danced so long and hard that my friends thought I was drinking, while I was sober and just dancing it out.  That was a blast.  Plus, any party where Ace of Cakes brings a Punk/Space Unicorn clearly rocks!

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Hopefully there will be more BlogHer posts coming, however I am a little distracted with a couple of events.  1) One of my Besties gave birth to a darling little girl—and I get to meet her tomorrow.  2) Packing for my trip back to Turkey.  There is a lot of bag weighing and triaging of clothes at my house.  GRRR…Damn the one bag, 23 kg limits!

Another Month Gone

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I am still having trouble posting regularly.  I feel like it has something to do with the intrinsic nature of sharing and blogging.  With blogging so often you give up pieces yourself, you share your experiences, share your thoughts, and share yourself.  I still really don’t want to go out much.  I just don’t feel social.  Getting together with good friends is one thing, making small talk is another.  I will attempt to post more, as I am now back in Turkey and taking trips.  It just feels like I have blogging inertia.  Fellow bloggers, do you ever feel blogless?

Resurfacing

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I am starting to get back…to what?  Not to the way things were, but to a new normal.  After the wake and service, everyone else’s life went back to normal.   Ours still has a huge gaping wound in it.  Nothing works or functions the way it used to.  All of us have issues, and daily reminders.  There is nothing like starting the day by trying to cajole the dog to do her business.  Sometimes she will do so if bribed, but otherwise is still waiting for Dad to walk her.

For the last few weeks I have not wanted to really do anything, see anyone.  The impulse to isolate myself is slowly fading.    A couple of weekends ago I went to a good friends wedding.  I was able to see friends I haven’t seen in five years.  I had a great time, and opened up a little more.  Friday I met up with a childhood friend I haven’t seen in about 20 years, and we were able to really connect and had fun.  I have been off the grid for a while, but am slowly making my way back into life.  One day at a time we are building a new foundation for the way our lives are now.

Changes Ahead

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There may be some changes coming up and some disruption to blogging ahead.  I am having issues with Blogger.  Well with Google and Turkey.

Google doesn’t pay taxes in Turkey and so the government has internally blocked some of Google’s ISPs.  This means at the moment, my friends and readers in Turkey are unable to access my blog.  I am looking to move over the site to another provider but it might take a bit of time and research.  Hopefully this will be resolved soon.  Please let me know if you have any suggestions.