Far From The Sticks

January 23, 2012

Another Day

Thursday night my father died. We were so stunned and exhausted that we came home, had a drink and went to bed. It took us a long time to go to sleep. I know this because I slept with my mom that night. Neither one of us wanted to sleep by ourselves.

Friday we woke up, and the sun was still shining, and my father was still dead. I made pea soup, called my husband, researched how to submit obituaries and managed not to die of sadness.

Saturday I woke up, and the sun was still shining, and my father was still dead. It helped to know that my husband was coming in Saturday night. My brother’s girlfriend is amazing. She was (and is) so helpful. She was at the hospital all afternoon on Thursday, brought sandwiches, and helped advocate for my father. She drove down to Boston and picked up my husband from the Boston airport at 11:30 PM and then drove 2 hours north to our home.

I have felt so supported by my family and friends, people sending food and calling. Many of my friends emailed me such wonderful things. One friend tried to move heaven and earth to get food and flowers delivered to my remote home. Another went through my closet finding clothes I asked to be sent to the States with Bülent. The last few days have been extremely difficult, but with the help of friends and family it has been, maybe not less painful, but a more supported journey.

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Filed under Cancer, Dad, Dan, fa, FamFam, Family, Friends, Grief, Loss, Love

January 21, 2012

My Father, Dan

Born 1943-Died January 19, 2012 after a long and valiant battle with cancer.

Dan was a complex person, passionate about life and his family. He had a raucous sense of humor and a quick wit—he filled our lives with warmth and mirth. He fought for the best he could provide, for our family and our community. As a man of conviction, he may have butted heads with others along the way, but never let that get in the way of his integrity and honor. Despite the many hardships he’s encountered, he’s always been an adamant optimist. I think there are few people who could survive what he had and still be able to say that.

He was a fighter, when he was first diagnosed with cancer 15 years ago, he fought with a vengeance. I remember him telling me he just couldn’t leave when we were so little. I am grateful to him for that, that though I still feel “little,” I am now an adult who knows my own mind and heart, largely due to him.

He had a presence so huge that it is hard to imagine a world without him. I am grateful for every moment I had with him, and every memory I have for the future.

1943-2012

He will be missed.

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Filed under Cancer, Dad, Death, Loss, Love, NH

January 9, 2012

Back In NH

I have been back in NH for eight days. I have missed being here. Though it has not been my normal visit. It has been different this time around. There is an underlying sadness. Not grief or depression, but a melancholy that surrounds us all. When know why, and it is not ignored, but neither is it discussed.

It has a busy week. I flew in on Monday to NYC. I had to reroute because I missed my flight due to a delay. Tuesday I hung out with my aunt and darling cousin, and shopped. Then I spent a week with my dad dad at the hospital.

Tonight is my third night at my parents home, though both my mom and dad are at the hospital. Tomorrow my dad is having surgery. Wish us all luck.

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Filed under Cancer, Hospital, New Hampshire

December 27, 2011

The Things You Do…

I am heading back to the States, a little sooner than anticipated, and am taking care of business. As you do when you live in Turkey, and return to the U.S. for extended periods of time…you take care of the expensive shit. Which is why I have gone to the gynecologist and the dentist in the same week—Because you know that is fun! Also my dog ate my night mouth guard yesterday. Awesome!

It is also why I am going to stock up on birth control and allergy medication before I leave. Not only do I have comprehensive health insurance in Turkey, both private and State, but also many things are available over the counter that are not in the US. For my time in the U.S. I am also paying out of pocket for six months of private health insurance, all health insurance related expenses will be reimbursed up to the (fairly generous) limit once I return to Turkey—for $300! Ridiculous! So tomorrow I will get my eyebrows done, but since it is winter—I will skip the bikini wax—I think between the gynecologist and the dentist I have had enough fun.

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Filed under FamFam, Family, Health, New Hampshire, Travel, US

December 10, 2011

Transitions

It has been a while since the last time I have posted. I have been dealing with some challenges and logistics. I have bought the tickets, began the paperwork at work and organized my kitchen. It is official, I will be returning to the U.S. by the end of January (at the latest) for a six month leave of absence. As I wrote previously my father was diagnosed with a rare cancer last April. He had chemotherapy over the summer and things were looking positive. However, the circumstances have changed, and the situation is less positive. I will be home to spend time with my family during this period.

My last post was about Thanksgiving. There are many things I am thankful for, my family, my husband, and my friends. I am so thankful to have a husband that knows what family means. The minute I told him about my father’s situation, he was willing to put me on a plane the next day—no matter the cost. Being away from him for a significant period of time will be unfortunate, but I am so glad to have this time with my father, and with my family. I am so lucky that I can take 6 months of unpaid time, without losing my job or being homeless. There are many things I am thankful for this year.

My blog’s name is “Far From the Sticks.” In New Hampshire, the “Sticks” is slang for rural areas. I am far from where I come from and where I grew up. My life has taken paths I have never imagined and I have had many adventures on the way. While I am going back home, in some ways I can never return to the “Sticks.” When I was growing up, my parents made sure to provide me with a childhood. My friends and I used to climb trees and canoe in old prom dresses, playing “Little House on the Prairie.” On Friday nights, my Dad would turn on the Temptations and we would all dance in the living room. My brother and I would play in the stream in the rain–with galoshes and umbrellas. I can never return to my childhood in the “Sticks,” but I can go home. I am counting the days until I can get there.

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Filed under Cancer, Going Home, New Hampshire, NH, US

November 23, 2011

Thanksgiving

Oh Thanksgiving, the ways we celebrate you. Today I was talking to Bülent and realized that this was our 5th Thanksgiving by ourselves. All of which one I cooked. If we had been living in the US within a five hour drive of my parents, I would have been a guest, and had been a Thanksgiving Virgin.

However, after I graduated from college I moved to the West Coast, and then to Turkey.

So there is a Thanksgiving Timeline.

2006: Just the two of us! Small Turkey!

2007: My BFF (since age 5) joins us with her husband. Thanksgiving and the Beach! Yay for vacation!

2008: Bad Ass Barraford Thanksgiving. My cousin Hilary joins me on the West Coast (LA) and we have a rocking Thanksgiving with a party of 12 and clubbing after dinner!

2009: Arrive in Turkey, guests at a co-workers home. Lovely dinner, great introduction to the world of NO SHORTCUTS cooking. Want stuffing? Buy a loaf of bread, cut it up, spice it and make it into stuffing. Forget anything out of a can, jar or box. Delicious but time consuming.

2010: Awesome fun but crazy hard. Read above. Cooked for 18. 18! With Colitis! Ouch!

2011: We have decided to go for a more intimate Thanksgiving. I have decided to include one of my favorite recipes before the dinner. My friend and I have also decided to make it a more intimate Thanksgiving. When living abroad, some of your friends transcend boundaries and become family, as my kanka (blood sister) has. I am looking forward to this Thanksgiving, enjoy the prep, the cooking, the eating and the drinking. There will be just six of us, so it should be relaxing. As one of the guests of the 2010 Colitis debacle, my friend from upstairs said “ Tell me what to make…or I am not coming!” Yay! Here is a list! Let’s all have fun.

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Filed under Holidays, Thanksgiving, Turkey

November 21, 2011

Mini-Moon: Fethiye

On the way to Fethiye! We decided to drive down through the mountains. It was an amazing trip though the Taurus Mountain range. They were steep and craggy, though thankfully there was no snow on the roads. It was Kurban Bayram, so there were sheep hanging upside down occasionally outside of houses as we drove through villages.

Handsome man and a beautiful view!

Ok, so today is less of a blog post and more of Fethiye Photo Porn. We stayed at a boutique hotel right on the water. It was great, and the views were awesome. Off season all those swank hotels are very reasonable. We had a blast! The night before we walked along the water, had dinner at a fish restaurant and took a taxi back because I was too cold to take one more step

The bay was full of boats of all sizes. In the morning we had breakfast overlooking the water and then had a walk along the marina.

After, we hopped in the car, and headed down the coast to Kalkan…

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Filed under Bayram, Fethiye, Mini-Moon, Road Trip, Turkey, Vacation

November 17, 2011

Mini-Moons are Awesome

This year for Kurban Bayram we decided to take some time for ourselves. Usually during the Bayrams Bülent and I normally do things with his family, but this year we decided to do something by ourselves. We decided on driving down south and having a leisurely tour of the coast. We headed out of Ankara and spent a night in Pamukkale, then drove to the coast and stayed in Fethiye. The next day we drove to Kalkan, on the sea, and stayed with some friends at a gorgeous villa, and finally on to Antalya to have a visit with my amazing sister-in-law. What is great about her is that if I had met her without being married to her brother—I would still hang out with her.

Bülent and I had an amazing time, we just meandered along from place to place, taking scenic back roads and stopping at any historical sight we passed along the way.

Pamukkale was amazing. First, the pension we booked was adorable. Family run, it was clean, restful and had an cozy restaurant out of which they served wonderful food and wine.

The travertines were amazing. The thermal waters comes out of the ground and runs over the ridges. The chemical reaction between the water and the air creates the calcium carbonate. It was so lovely, on a cool fall day, to walk barefoot on the white terraces, our feet bathed in warm water.

The pools were a gorgeous shade of blue against the white travertines. I had expected the terraces to be slippery because they are wet, but the composite of the floor was really solid and not slippery at all. At the top of the hill there are the ancient ruins of Hierapolis, a city built in the 2nd century for its proximity to the hot springs for their healing properties.

We had a blast wading around and then exploring the ruins.

Next stop, Fethiye…

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Filed under Bayram, Holidays, Travel, Turkey

November 3, 2011

Adventures in Akçakoca

Last month Bülent’s parents invited us up to Akçakoca for the weekend. One of their friends lent them their restored village home for the weekend. Akçakoca is only about a four hour drive from Ankara. It really is a nice drive, after about two hours the dry Anatolian plains give way to pine covered mountains and then the green coastal area. After we got there we stopped for some tasty köfte. It was an absolute hole in the wall, and was so good!

The mosque in the center of Akçakoca has fairly unusual architecture and is very attractive.

The house itself was lovely, an old restored village house. It was on a hill, surrounded by a hazelnut orchard, and mountains, with a view of the town center.

There was an vegetable garden and a myriad of fruits trees; apple, pear, quince and pomegranates. The sun warmed grapes were so delicious. They tasted exactly like the Concord grapes that grew wild in New Hampshire.

Akçakoca is a working fishing town. Being right on the Black Sea affords the town beautiful views and fresh fish.

When we woke up the morning we left, the weather was rainy and cloudy, but still lovely. We decided to take a walk while it was merely misting rather than pouring

This area of the Black Sea is known for its hazelnut orchards. As far as the eye could see, the hazelnut trees covered the hills and mountains, only the flat plains were used for other agricultural cultivation, usually corn, a special type of cabbage (Laz Lahanasi) and other types of typical produce.

Bülent was a trouper when I dragged him along on our walk. He would have happily slept a little longer until breakfast, but was amenable for the pre-breakfast walk I prodded him into.

Fall 2011 165

While it was grey and rainy, it was still green and gorgeous. When you live in Ankara, any chance for proximity to greenery excites you.

It was a beautiful weekend. We had a lovely visit with his parents, and a great time in the village. Sometimes living in a city is difficult for me. Growing up on a dirt road in the woods in New Hampshire is a far cry from the grey concrete and brown arid lands of middle Anatolia. So visiting this haven of hazelnuts, driving on narrow dirt roads, smelling the moist perfumed air really reminded me of home—which really was lovely.

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Filed under Akçakoca, Black Sea, Road Trip, Turkey, Vacation

October 27, 2011

Earthquake in Turkey

On October 23rd at around 1:40 pm a 7.2, on the Richter scale, earthquake hit the region of Van in Eastern Turkey. The hardest hit city was that of Ercis. The Eastern region of Turkey is the poorest and least developed are of Turkey, as well as one of the most seismically active regions.

The situation began tragically and has become more grim. Currently the death toll is 534 and hundreds are still missing, buried among the debris. 2,300 people are injured. Over 10 thousand people are homeless, their homes collapsed or structurally unsound, they are suffering from the cold and intermittent rain and snow.

There were people being pulled from the rubble through Tuesday and Wednesday, including the amazing rescue of a premature infant, mother and grandmother. However, after five days, the focus is switching from search and rescue to relief efforts. There are fundraising efforts though public and private foundations all over the country. My friend has been collecting and organizing ways to help through physical and monetary donations. Please visit her blog to see how to help. Also, Western Union is not charging a transfer fee when you donate to the Van earthquake relief.

This week, I had many calls and emails from friends, asking if I was alright. We were safe, far from the earthquake, but also far from danger. Ankara still has earthquakes, but we live in an earthquake resistant building, in a neighborhood full of them. One of the reasons the people of the Van area suffered so much property damage and loss of life is that it is an impoverished area, with self built homes made of sun dried bricks.

All week I have been watching the news coverage, the tears falling down the lined faces of the tazes, the children standing in front of piles of rubble waiting for their parents to be uncovered. The men and women poking through the debris looking for their family members. I have always loved Turkey, and the Turkish people, the warmth and strength of them. This week has added another aspect to the relationship. When you grieve for something, or with someone, it or they becomes more a part of you. Right now I am grieving with my second country, for our people.

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Filed under Earthquake, Grief, Turkey